Watching terrible Christmas movies so you don’t have to.
You might have thought that the Beethoven movie franchise ended with the release of the second entry. Would you be surprised to learn that there have been more than three Beethoven sequels? Would you be shocked to discover that there have been more than five Beethoven sequels? Then prepare to be shitting amazed as so far a total of eight Beethoven movies have been released unto the world.
Judge Reinhold carried the franchise for parts three and four playing the younger brother of Charles Grodin’s character. However, the mighty talents of Judge ‘Jury and Executioner’ Reinhold weren’t enough to keep the bigwigs satisfied and the five-time Academy Award-winning actor was released from his 73 picture deal. Just like the Fast and Furious, the Beethoven franchise morphed into something different for part five, and the trusty St. Bernard faces supernatural forces, seriously.
The franchise doesn’t end there, a full-on reboot followed with Beethoven’s Big Break seeing the canine become a superstar and then we have the abominable mess that I’m about to review. Well, I say ‘review.’
From the director of American Pie Presents: The Book of Love, Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure finds the loveable dog (now with added Tom Arnold voiceover) on a mission to save Christmas. Beethoven must rescue a lost Christmas elf to retrieve a Santa’s magical bag from no good criminals and save Christmas. I know this is a movie not made for adults, but by Joss this is insipid even for preschoolers. I’m not sure who thought that adding Tom Arnold to voice Beethoven was a good idea, was this pooch in dire need of an inner voice? The same cheap trick was used by Look Who’s Talking Now, and that didn’t turn out well for anybody involved.
There’s no shortage of animal based movies for the younglings, at the end of the day kids like animals doing silly things and if you spend five seconds on the internet, even adults love animals doing silly things. That said, there is no need for Beethoven’s Christmas Adventure to be so cliched, poorly made, dated and just plain bad. For added sad factor, John Cleese narrates the movie, and even he can’t provide a chuckle, just a confused sob.
I don’t hold the original two Beethoven movies particularly dear to my heart, but that dog is over 25 years old now and in need of a rest. In case you wondered the eighth movie in the series was Beethoven’s Treasure Tail with Jonathan Silverman reprising his role from part six. Now, don’t you feel better for knowing more about the Beethoven movie franchise. Sure the dogs are cute, but that’s what YouTube is for.
★ Utter dogshit.
