So yeah, I never thought I’d have to write this article, but just last the unthinkable was announced. Star Wars Episode VII has been announced and confirmed for 2015. Yes, Episode VII: The Cash Cow Strikes Back is actually coming to our cinema screens. This announcement comes with the news that Disney has brought the rights to Lucasfilm for a cheeky $4billion and thus continuing with their plan for world domination.

This news has been met with mixed response from fans/critics

For starters, Episode VII implies that it is going to be continuing the story from Return of the Jedi. At the end of Jedi we saw the destruction of the Empire, symbolised by the Death Star Mark II blowing up, the rebellion won, the Empire was killed and Vader redeemed himself by saving his son and bringing his story full circle. Yeah, I don’t see much story left to continue with, Episode VI was definitely the END of the saga; Episode VII threatens to undo this great ending. There doesn’t seem to be any more stories they can tell. Also, the villain throughout the prequel and original trilogy was the Emperor, and he’s pretty dead. I know in the Expanded Universe there’s a convoluted plot about cloning him, but to me, he’s pretty dead.

That’s another thing, the Expanded Universe, a series of games/books/toys/comics/graphic novels/TV series that expand on the films, telling the stories before, during and after the six part saga. Now I am not savvy on all elements of the EW, but I am very aware that it is something diehard fans of Star Wars hold true and dear. If the new film decides to go with a different and “original” story, it is likely to undo stories already established by the EW, something I don’t think will sit well with the diehard fan-base.

So in terms of story, they’re pretty stuck. How can you continue a story that has already ended? Also, there isn’t much hope in any of the original cast returning. We’ve seen the stories of Luke, Han and Lea come to an end, and besides I doubt the main three actors would be willing to return anyway. They’re all getting on a bit and I think they’ve moved on with their lives since the near 30 years after Return of the Jedi. Also, if you thought the prequel trilogy was an overbearing mess that relied too heavily on CGI, and now 3D, can you imagine what this new trilogy would be like? Especially now there have been more advances in CGI since 2005 for Lucas to now play with and exploit.

Also at the end of the day, this just seems like milking the cash cow whilst flogging a dead horse. It’s a money farm of torture, where Lucas only really cares in squeezing every last penny out of his franchise. I know Star Wars is successful, but this is serious overkill. Can we not just let this one great franchise rest and remember it for what it was, not drag it out further into the dirt.

With Disney owning both Lucasfilm and Marvel, I wonder if Episode VII will end with Nick Fury recruiting Jedi for the Avengers…….wait a minute. Nicky Fury…….Mace Windu…….my God, it all makes sense now.

David Parker

P.S: Thanks to Stephen Hotton for pointing out the Windu/Fury connection/conspiracy.